I should do this again.

Well, a year has passed and all I see are changes. My brother got married. Soon to-be an aunt. My Mom somehow decided to move abroad. That is a big leap for a change. My Mom felt that she needed a fresh start with my sister and I. Australia would be great she says. To me, it would be a little bit frightening. Like I kept reminding myself, change is a must but adapting to it will take time. It consumes the time as we need to actually get our mind together and actually accept it. What is "it"? It is the change, of course. A year could change someone. I see that I am making new friends as well as learning to be better in life. I want to be better in life. A successful career. Help my Mom here and there. Insya-Allah everything will be fine. But one thing that I don't really achieve yet is finding that future guy. I'm a tad young to think about finding the right guy. You know what I feel, as if crushes is just a phase. I don't really know why do I state that, all I know is I'm just trying to be better than yesterday.

Counting Days

It has been about 2 years since i've been typing into this blog. In my own opinion, my style of writing has become more mature. my older posts has shown how much i've grown myself into. Well, these days i have been observing to my life closely. Not that i have show it to everyone but just another like any other people, they have time to themselves and they think. What to do, what one has done, all of those things. It is just a matter of time when one has to realise about themselves that change in life is a MUST. I can't blame the people who aren't willing to change because they are mostly not that open-minded or has not been exposed to all the difficulties that has fallen upon them. As a normal human being, you can only say what is only in your power and pray for them so they can be better in life. Judgement is never the answer but wisdom is. Show to others what are your capabilities and from that, you might not just change yourself but also change the minds of others.

In Search of Mr. Right

Experiences
I

For what i've done all this time , it's nothing to compare what you have done . what you are about to know is something i have never told anyone , something beyond your mind could ever think of . it may sound like your average everyday life . this is beyond average .

it started when i was fourteen . i was young and unexperienced about the outside world . so my life is actually is just in school and at home . it was dull and solemn life . actually i started my form 2 life , i woke up late for school . "Ah crap ! its 8.00 o'clock " , i said to myself while i was packing up stuff for school . it was a hectic morning but i manage to clean up fast . though i felt like there was something wrong , "did i lose something or did i forget about... " when all of a sudden i just remembered , i didn't have anyone to drive me to school "BULLOCKS". i thought of how was i going to school , when it strucked . i had the best idea . i called my neighbour to drive me there . it was a selfish decision as they were still in PJs but it was a cry for help . they picked me up at my house . they drove but they kept looking at me as if i did something horrible . i sort of smiled with embarrassment . i didn't care much because i was thinking about i was late .

as i stepped into school i didn't think about the consequences , instead i look for my class . and the best part was i barely realised that there was a freaking prefect on my tail . so as soon i got into the office i looked up and down all around my uniform . with my scarf pulled up front , shoes spotless and packed up backpack . i feel like coming to school for the first time . i walked to a line where my class is supposed to be at . they wondered how i got late without the prefects catching me . "Adik , do you know that you are late ?" said the dude in a blue uniform . at first i ignored the guy then when i turned my head , it was the head prefect . how do i know ? easy . you can sniff a head prefect just by looking how they dress . wearing a songkok , shining black shoe , looks extra tidy . i smiled and pleaded to him . "Abang , it was an honest mistake, besides my parents weren't home and basically i had to come to school by myself ." with a little sympathy in his heart , he let me go for now .

SIGHED

thank god i dodged that bullet.

Mummy is proving something :)

for my post this time , it's something different , check this out . it's starring my mum :) !



p.s ; ignore the annoying laughter

kawan abang aku (amex)

abang amer is having his practical around bukit beruntung . i was like , damn ! but then he brought his friends . MIM , SINCHAN , and some other people . but the point of this blog is that how i find them as intresting as it seems :)

first is MIM,
mim looks like someone who is sort of on drugs or something , like kurt cobain , hahaha ! kidding . but what actually made him intresting that is he loves to do weird things that are not so weird when you do it with him . for instance , he taught me and soraya a trick to smoke through bubbles . awesome right ? hahaha ! so basically , we popped the bubble to see the smoke vanish in the air :) he might looks like someone who won't talk that much but he is pure evil . he could just make statement until that particular person would respond . and the best part about mim is that he doesn't mind if we "make him up" hahaha !


next sinchan,
this dude doesnt act how he looks . seriously . you can see the difference when he is on a game like street fighter or tekken , he will be so unsatisfied when he loses , and he will reanact a scene where he has his OWN dialogue for this character . example , lets say he was play RAW , and there is a scene where there are guys with tight pants walks in and shows off whatever the hell they're doing , but sinchan cracks a joke by saying something else when the character is posing or showing off . basically , mim and amer loves to bully him around (so as i though) hahaha ! we (mim , soraya and i) made a prank call to him ,(he didnt save my number) so we told soraya to pretend to be a girl damsel and destressed because of her bf (acting ok ?) and me as her sister , and mim soraya's scary brother . mim was saying 'NAK PECAH KEPALA ?' over and over , so sinchan was half dead talking on the phone . xD



next was maggo,
magoo didnt teach me much cause i only want to write bout him because he thought me about \m/ (its a metal sign) cool right ?

that's all i could think of hahahaha ! bye ~

me :)

well as you know , i've not been popping out lately . simple , because i love to disappear . i love to break out into a funk and forget the past . don't understand ? i love to entertain myself with stuff like my guitar hero or chatting with people . you may sometimes think that "uish ! qiss tuh sombong Do !" OR "ah , qis tuh ! ada kawan up sikit dah lupa kan kite ni" . well all i can say is "kepala kau :)" with a smiley at the back . not that i don't want to talk to you guys but you guys never say hi to me or whatever especially the ones in FB (jangan terasa eh?) but it's true . don't make up foolish non-sense that could just PISS ME OFF :) look another smiley . but all i'm saying don't get wrong ideas OK . i sometimes like "me" time . but you know i can be a bit WHACKED . just talk to me , then i'll be fine . it's not like i'm gonna kill you or something . ehehehe ~ :) but please , you all know i'm still at the unbalanced mood mode , so just don't make or start statements :) (again with the smiley) i would love for you guys to ask me stuff to write :) so just leave in my FB . btw
:D
big smiley .

Nothing else to say

bismillah


This is how it all started . it was suppose to be a morning like any other day . i was in bed with Soraya (my lil sis) , and we were not even barely awake . all of the sudden , i heard mama shouted "babah" . but this time , shout not like she would normally does . we were stunned at first and puzzled . i quickly woke up and ran into my parents bedroom . a shocking moment for me . my dad , lifeless on the bed . mama shook babah . and told him to remember allah . by that time , i was in tears and soraya came from behind as if she was traumatised . i shouted "babah" as well , but he couldnt hear me . i was frozen , i didnt know what to do . mama said , pergi panggil dr. amar qis ! i quickly ran to his house . i rung the bell so many times with tears pouring down my face . his wife came out instead and i told her that babah isnt breathing . dr amar and his wife came with a bunch of first aid for CPR . my brothers woke up and they kept crying and called the ambulance . at the time when the doctor were CPR-ing babah , i sat outside and kept thinking about , is this really happening ? babah has to be alive , right ? but i knew in my heart he's not here anymore .

i was pissed that time because the ambulance came late . 30 minutes later , dr amar said to mama , i'm sorry tina , that's all we can do . mama broke down , while i was half sane . i cried and i called adik (amir zikri) and said adik , babah dah takde . i didnt know what i was supposed to do . i was blanked , all i know what to do was yell and cry . then our neighbours , came took babah away to be cleaned at a nearby surau in MK . after the solat jenazah , amir zharif came look at me . he was saying to me to sit still . i was in no shape to eat . as soon as elena and ayu saw me , they forced me to eat , i refused . i saw babah laid at the middle of the surau . i cant , i dont want this . i saw babah , lifeless . nothing left is that body , just a soulless body . by that time , i had to realise , babah is gone . the feeling has not gone away , loneliness , sadness , and grief .

but all i could do is study hard for babah , pray for him , and taking care of mama . only memories are left my babah .


i miss you babah
08/06/1956 ~ 11/07/2010