well as you know , i've not been popping out lately . simple , because i love to disappear . i love to break out into a funk and forget the past . don't understand ? i love to entertain myself with stuff like my guitar hero or chatting with people . you may sometimes think that "uish ! qiss tuh sombong Do !" OR "ah , qis tuh ! ada kawan up sikit dah lupa kan kite ni" . well all i can say is "kepala kau :)" with a smiley at the back . not that i don't want to talk to you guys but you guys never say hi to me or whatever especially the ones in FB (jangan terasa eh?) but it's true . don't make up foolish non-sense that could just PISS ME OFF :) look another smiley . but all i'm saying don't get wrong ideas OK . i sometimes like "me" time . but you know i can be a bit WHACKED . just talk to me , then i'll be fine . it's not like i'm gonna kill you or something . ehehehe ~ :) but please , you all know i'm still at the unbalanced mood mode , so just don't make or start statements :) (again with the smiley) i would love for you guys to ask me stuff to write :) so just leave in my FB . btw
:D
big smiley .
bismillah
This is how it all started . it was suppose to be a morning like any other day . i was in bed with Soraya (my lil sis) , and we were not even barely awake . all of the sudden , i heard mama shouted "babah" . but this time , shout not like she would normally does . we were stunned at first and puzzled . i quickly woke up and ran into my parents bedroom . a shocking moment for me . my dad , lifeless on the bed . mama shook babah . and told him to remember allah . by that time , i was in tears and soraya came from behind as if she was traumatised . i shouted "babah" as well , but he couldnt hear me . i was frozen , i didnt know what to do . mama said , pergi panggil dr. amar qis ! i quickly ran to his house . i rung the bell so many times with tears pouring down my face . his wife came out instead and i told her that babah isnt breathing . dr amar and his wife came with a bunch of first aid for CPR . my brothers woke up and they kept crying and called the ambulance . at the time when the doctor were CPR-ing babah , i sat outside and kept thinking about , is this really happening ? babah has to be alive , right ? but i knew in my heart he's not here anymore .
i was pissed that time because the ambulance came late . 30 minutes later , dr amar said to mama , i'm sorry tina , that's all we can do . mama broke down , while i was half sane . i cried and i called adik (amir zikri) and said adik , babah dah takde . i didnt know what i was supposed to do . i was blanked , all i know what to do was yell and cry . then our neighbours , came took babah away to be cleaned at a nearby surau in MK . after the solat jenazah , amir zharif came look at me . he was saying to me to sit still . i was in no shape to eat . as soon as elena and ayu saw me , they forced me to eat , i refused . i saw babah laid at the middle of the surau . i cant , i dont want this . i saw babah , lifeless . nothing left is that body , just a soulless body . by that time , i had to realise , babah is gone . the feeling has not gone away , loneliness , sadness , and grief .
but all i could do is study hard for babah , pray for him , and taking care of mama . only memories are left my babah .
i miss you babah
08/06/1956 ~ 11/07/2010
